


White Sheets

by LiaIsInLove



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depressed Niall, Depression, Eating Disorders, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Illness, Niall-centric, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Niall, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Watch, psychiatric hospital
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:38:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3266969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiaIsInLove/pseuds/LiaIsInLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But nothing can really pump life back into the dead now, can it?</p><p>Or the one where Niall is on suicide watch.</p><p>Massive trigger warnings.  Please please please do not read if you have any possibility of being triggered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Sheets

**Author's Note:**

> Massive trigger warnings. Please please please do not read if you have any possibility of being triggered.
> 
> This is written from a perspective warped by mental illness. It in no way shape or form romanticizes or condones suicidal thoughts or behaviors.
> 
> I found this on my computer from forever ago and I decided I might as well post it. It was originally on fanfiction.net in a different fandom so if for some random reason you have read this before, I assure you that I am not plagiarizing.

A dull beeping is the only thing that tells me I'm still alive. There is no agonizing pain, no heartfelt wishes, no burning desires, no sobbing parents. Nothing keeping my in the world except the machines pumping oxygen into my lungs and life into my body. But nothing can really pump life back into the dead now, can it?

The doctors at some point inevitably discover that I am both awake and no longer floating on the cusp of death. Shame. So they shuttle me off to a new room with only a bed covered in white sheets, pinned down tightly so as not to be used as a weapon. There is no door to my new room, and a do-gooder in the form of a patient observer sits just outside the gaping hole in the wall that leads to my room—it's less of a room and more of a cubby, used to store the forgotten useless items that for some reason people feel the need to keep around. Privacy is not a luxury I am granted.

They guard me round the clock. It's a pointless task really; no one's coming to see me, and I'm certainly not going anywhere. The sentries switch on and off, no doubt bored out of their cheerful minds at having to watch me.

When they figure out that I'm not eating, nor do I plan to, they stick a needle into my arm, and pump glucose and water into me through that. They had tried a feeding tube, but that hadn't gone well; there was nothing stopping me from ripping the damn thing out or trying to suffocate myself with it. The I.V. is taped down copiously so that I cannot rip it out and use it as a weapon.

Therapists visit, sitting on plastic chairs brought in expressly for them, attempting to get some sort of response out of me. They are, however, unsuccessful. Hours are wasted sitting—in my case lying—in silence. And yet no one cares that I don't care. They don't care that I don't want their help, that I don't want to get better, that I just want to die already.

Why the hell won't they just let me goddamn die? I've already fucked my life up enough. Why can't they kill me before I ruin everyone else's lives as well?

Who'd want to save a pathetic fuck-up like me?

I just want to die.

Why can't they let me die?

**Author's Note:**

> If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, I am begging you to please get the help that you need.
> 
> Suicide & Other Support Hotlines:  
> World-wide - http://still-learning-2love-myself.tumblr.com/post/122914996788/suicide-hotlines-worldwide  
> USA - http://still-learning-2love-myself.tumblr.com/post/122915395263/suicide-hotlines-usa  
> UK - http://still-learning-2love-myself.tumblr.com/post/122915280248/suicide-hotlines-uk
> 
> I know it may not always feel like it, but I promise that you are important, and you are loved, and you deserve to be happy, and you are worth it. If you ever need to be reminded of this or you someone to talk to, or encourage you, or believe in you, or if you just need a friend, I am always here for you. So please don't ever think that you are alone, because you are not. I promise. You can find me on tumblr at lia-is-in-love.tumblr.com
> 
> I love you all so much and I hope that each and every one of you find the happiness and peace in life that you deserve.
> 
> Lots of love,  
> -Lia


End file.
